“I am too busy to have sex.”
My Fiance said this to me when I was trying to get him into bed. He said it truthfully, since he was working most of the time and studying for his 19 units. He has a lower sex drive than me, so it makes sense. Does not mean it hurt any less. Almost immediately after, he saw my face and said, “Forget I said that.” He now makes sure he always has time for sex.
I had a burst of interviews my first few weeks applying for jobs. Now, three weeks later, I am still at square one. Last week I applied only for a few jobs because I was moving the entire week- by myself. My Fiance was too busy working (because he refuses to quite his part time jobs until I find one) and studying (he had 3 tests last week and a paper due). The catch was I had to move in all of our stuff into his parent’s disgusting home filled with dust, newspapers and mold everywhere. Needless to say, losing my apartment, job and all of my furniture I was actually fine with, but moving into that house by myself sent me right over the edge. I almost had a nervous breakdown feeling trapped in the situation I was in.
I always knew I could call my Dad and I did at last minute, to ask if he would help us get an apartment. He absolutely agreed we needed our own place because it was one thing to come over every once in a while and clean up after other people, but to live there and do it on a day to day basis- I am unfortunately not that much of a saint. I wish I could be less selfish, but sometimes everything just gets to be too much.
Now that everything is moved in, things are calming down and I am taking on the house as a project, but I need to get out of this house and not be here all day. That is why I am applying and still sitting by my phone, waiting for “the phone call.” You know, the one where you hear angels singing and there is a spotlight bursting upon you as you pick up the phone and your dream job awaits. Well, as fantastic as I made that sound, that is how getting a job now seems to me.
Now that a job wont save me, or at least occupy me all day and I have not spent one day in 6 years not working, I guess I have to find something else to do. I began writing, working on my website, tanning and exercising as well as watching TV. I have not done any of these consistently since I started working 6 years ago.
I am starting to get the feel this is a forced makeup call, telling me “work should not be your life.” Or maybe work should be my life because I love working, but it should be doing what I love. I am not quite sure yet what I will find on this journey of being laid off, but I hope soon I find my purpose.
As always, good luck to the rest of you!
Best,
Anon.
There are some things your Fiance should just not say, so I am making a blog about them for future men of our generation.
“Two un-employed woman going shopping? That’s a great idea.”
For one thing, I went shopping for work clothes, for another, he said forget I said that right after. He says that a lot lol.
So I have a huge project. It’s not just looking for a job, I am hosting a friend who is in need, picking up the slack in our relationship while my Fiance is very busy with school and cleaning my in-laws mess of a house that I moved into. My family thinks I am making a grave mistake doing all of these things, but I can not so easily run away for they are all the right things to do. My friend had no where to live so my Fiance and I took her in, my Fiance has school so later on he can support both of us while doing the job he loves and my in-laws have never had a break to get a maid, they have been working all of their lives. Both of my parents have had maids since I was little to clean the house, my Fiance’s parents brought him up the best way they could but both of them resenting the other when it came to cleaning. Both thought they were entitled to not clean because the other refused to as well.
It is not my job to do any of these things, but I had the luxury of maids, I had the luxury of my parents paying for school and being able to graduate when I wanted to and I always had the luxury of having a home. So, I am trying to be useful as I don’t have a job right now and even though sometimes it seems I am spread so thin, this house needs to change. The only thing that gives me solace and hope is cleaning this house. I feel if I can clean and makeover this house I will figure out my job, my relationship and everything else.
On to my first post about fixing up the house. My first obstacle was black mold in the bathroom. I used a great spray I bought from ace hardware calledX-14 Mildew Stain Remover for around 4 dollars. I ran in there and sprayed and then ran out because the stuff was so strong.
Before:
After:
Then we painted it with ACE Hardware Paint called “Sawdust” for 36 dollars. It was so easy to get a roller and paint over everything when the mold was gone.
Before:
After:
Then I cleaned out the cabinets with 409 and viola! mold free bathroom. It took me a total of 40 dollars to paint and clean the bathroom. Most bathrooms don’t even need a full pint so others could paint the bathroom for 16 dollars. I am so happy to be able to clean the bathroom and the next thing to save up for will be soap dispenser and towel rack as well as some pictures to decorate with.
So don’t be discouraged if you see black mold creeping in- just kill it with some hard core bleach and then paint it with paint that is mixed with gloss and primer so that the mold does not come back.
Happy re-modeling on a budget!
Best,
Anon.
A few things happened yesterday which made me feel like a very lucky girl.
1. I got a job interview for today.
2. My Fiance surprised me with brunch.
3. I had finished my surprise for my Fiance perfectly.
I was so happy everything went well, doing V-Day the laid off way, of course. We could not afford dinner so we went to brunch at the Gypsy Den in the Lab, Costa Mesa. It was an interesting, bohemian style place and we had a great lunch there before my Fiance ran to his classes. I had cheated and got the tortellini instead of a vegan dish because I absolutely can’t resist it.
So we ate our delicious food which was less pricey since lunch was less than dinner on V-Day. It was probably one of the best ideas we had to have brunch instead of dinner since we could not afford $100 steak dinners (not that we would ever eat steak anyway.). It is nice when you have an option to go all out for V-Day, but we didn’t and that was actually just fine.
Number two challenge yesterday was what presents should we get for each other. I had the best idea, I went to Trader Joes, picked up their 3 and 5 dollar boutiques and 2 dollar truffles. 
I arranged everything on our bed along with a cute card that I wrote a while ago when I could sit down and really think about all the ways I love him. I organized all of our engagement cards on the desk and left a note that he could take them down to study at the desk. My Fiance had two tests the next day after Valentines Day, so I made plans to go out with a few friends. I hastily left off to dinner so that he would not expect anything. I know I am very corny, but he loved my decorations and texted me how much he loved me. When I cam home, I was surprised to find he had pink moscato and some more roses for me that he also picked up at Trader Joes. He also attempted to make vegan chocolate
which I have to say was the cutest- ugliest looking covered strawberries I ever saw.
Even though we could not do much, I was so charmed by this Valentines Day and was so happy though the loss in money. He makes me rich and I am so lucky to have such an amazing, humble man in my life.
Hopefully, the job I applied to today will want me and we will have a more usual Valentines Day next year. However, if not, it seems that we can survive anything– even Valentines Day on a small budget.
Hope you all had a loving and wonderful Valentines Day!
Best,
Anon.
I guess I did not think that all of the sudden the friends I made from work would pretend I was dead. I would reach out to them once or twice through aim or phone but no response. I seriously think I made invisible friendships there. These were people I was even going to invite to our wedding! Good thing I know now, I can cut down the list from 250.
I should not be really upset by this, but I am upset about one friend in particular who we used to go out with as a couple. They stopped all communication with us completely. I am not sure if they “de-friended” us because I was laid off and now I am “taboo” or if it is because I have not found another job yet and they just don’t want to be there for us. This puzzles me greatly, because I have had friends in other jobs who got laid off and I never crossed them off and said, “Well, we had a good run.”
Why are people so scared of others who are suddenly poor, or all of the sudden find themselves in misfortune? I was always there for my friends who went through this no matter if they had the same job or not. So, how many people after the job find themselves with invisible friendships? This is absolutely new to me and I have not heard one peep from my closest friends there. My mother in law says she thinks that it’s because they think “they will catch the laid of bug” from me. I can’t help but to laugh that. Maybe she’s right, maybe I became “diseased.” Good thing I didn’t have to wait to see what they would do if, g-d forbid, I had cancer or something. Maybe they would think they could catch from me like people in the 60’s thought they could catch AIDS.
I guess you learn a new thing every day and maybe it was just the people in my company (I hope so, because that would make American society very depressing.). It is also shocking how people who were not very good friends with you at work check in to see how you are. This confuses me as well because it makes me rethink who were my friends and who weren’t?
I know for my next job I will still be my open, loving, and caring self no matter what this situation has put me in. I believe in karma and I think that the tides will change soon. However, I know that if these people who were my “invisible friends” get into the same situation I am in, I will not be their shoulder to cry on.
Best,
Anon.
I have a friend who, I must say, is quite amazing. She has cerebral palsy and graduated from UC Irvine with a degree in psychology and wishes she can be a psychologist. However, in the last few years she lost her money she saved up in the money market. The money she gets for disabilities is so little because the government pulls from the job she did in high school and she now has no money to live in a decent place. She is not able to move into her father’s house because he does not believe his “wife’s” (her step mom’s) house can have her. He says he can not support her anymore and so she was booted right after she got out of college. She lived in a rat infested garage for a few months and then found a place for what she could afford. She then had to leave there due to her landlord, who ended up having dementia, and went to live with a friend of a friend. Now, again, she was being forced to move because her landlord asked that she pay more money for an already closet-sized room. She would have had to live in a rat infested garage again if my Fiance and I did not take her in.
My Fiance and I are also moving into his parents house, at first it was to help them out with money but now it is for me to save money and give them what we can. I knew that my friend needed desperately a place and I told my Fiance, if I’m not homeless, then neither is she. So we are taking her into the three bedroom house and what she can afford is O.K. because any little money my Fiance’s parents can get is better than none. See, the thing is, that my Fiance’s parents are facing the Costa Mesa Layoffs, we are not sure if his father will get laid off or not. It is very stressful for both of my Fiance’s parents because they already might lose the house with all the pay cuts they gave his Dad after working hard there for 23 years.
So this would be a good situation for both, but there is one problem: the house is not very clean and my Fiance’s mom is a collector of sorts. I let this known to my friend who was moving in with us, but she is so extraordinary, she just replied, “Then I will help clean it.” She has not seen the house yet and I worry about it, but it is incredible how strong she is even though she is in pain. I helped her move yesterday and she still was trying to fold clothes as well as applying to jobs online. Since she can only work from home due to her condition, she is not finding many jobs. Still, she gives off this calm energy and smile, though she is in pain and poor to the bone, she says, “Don’t worry, I will think of something, I will find something, soon.”
This gives me confidence and makes me feel like if she can do it, then I can too. I am helping her as much as I can and I was already before I got laid off, hoping to help my friend and my Fiance’s parents with money, but maybe I need to find a different approach. So, today, I shook things up and helped his sister move out her old furniture, clothes and garbage from the room my friend was going to live in. I then planned on getting some paint (which does not cost that much) and I plan on painting the bathroom tomorrow. Even though I may not have a job, I am planning my days as if the house is my job. As if making my Fiance lunch and dinner is part of that job too, and cleaning the kitchen and the room. It is a huge job that I am not paid for but it is one I can give myself as I wait for people to call me back. I may not have money, but I can volunteer my immense amount of time I seem to have now. I never removed a shower door, my Fiance has been planning on doing it for weeks to put in a curtain for the bathroom since there is mold there, but I can learn to, right? I am in marketing and I am not used to doing manual labor, but I need to work and do something to help this family and my friend.
Maybe I can do this “job” to keep my mind busy about not having a job so that I can transition smoothly into one when I find one. As always, good luck to all of you other laid off professionals out there, and keep moving!
Best,
Anon.
I was sitting at a Starbucks today, waiting for my first interview of Monday. I had just gotten back from a weekend in SF where my Fiance and I had meetings with caterers and the band. I was utterly tired and although I am an organic vegan, I needed coffee. I was not planning on having coffee during my interview there, but I got that cup of Joe and had no problem sipping it down. The man never showed for the first interview, so I sat there with my coffee and had no problem searching for stats for my next interview.
An elderly woman sat next to me with her coffee and oatmeal. She looked over at me and I smiled, wondering how it must be to be that age, your career over, living nicely in Orange County and being able to get up, walk to the coffee shop and eat. I wondered if I would be able to do that someday. She broke into my thoughts with a wide grin and told me about what she loved about being there at Starbucks. She loved that she saw so many different people and was able to talk to them. I responded that most people come here alone and it is nice to have someone to talk to. Her smile widened and she said she was glad I was talking to her, that most people ignored her. I was appalled that people would ignore such a colorful woman as this. She told me she was so colorful she could write many books about her life. Her husband had a stroke at an early age but just in time for her son to take over his firm and she had six houses but now only has four because she could not tend to them all. The thing that struck me the most was how she had all of these material things but was so down to earth. She said her “treasures” were her two smart children, who were my age now. I found her absolutely fascinating, wondering if I would be this nice when I was older. I wondered if I would have amazing unique stories about my children, houses, life and husband.
My lasting impression of her came at the end of the converstaion. I had to get going to my next interview and I gave her my number since I lived in the area and if she needed anything I could help her since her children were not so close. She thanked me and told me she hoped she remembered my name. “More importantly,” she crossed her elderly elegant fingers and said, “I hope you get the job. You are a lovely woman and don’t let anyone ever tell you your not smart because you are a woman. Don’t take that crap, if anything, show them how much smarter you can be than them.” I said “Thank you,” sincerely and walked away thinking about what she told me.
She was absolutely right, in this world I have been treated as stupid, even in my past jobs I have had because I am a woman. I have actually acted on this assumption that men thought I was stupid to sometimes get what I wanted, or I just gave up trying to prove myself constantly. I am used to working with men (they tend to be less drama), however, they think they can pull one over you. I have been debating in my head whether to say when they ask for salary the true amount I should be paid versus “will get paid anything to get a secure job.” I stuck to my guns today and again I was told I was a great interview. I did not talk about salary, but I did act secure about everything I said and if we have another talk I am sure I will not back down on my salary. Acting as if I was worth the job I think helped the interviewers to see I was seriously an expert in my field. Hopefully, the interviewers who say I was a good interview will change their words into actions and I will have a job this next week.
So, here is to hoping! I love how one word can give you strength and influence you to be the best person you can, by hoping you get the job or doing well on that exam or hoping for a better relationship. By hoping we can get the inspiration we need to do better or to be better people. As the elderly woman has spread her hope to me today, I hope to spread hope to you, for whatever you may need it for!
Best,
Anon.
I am done with interviews for Friday and here comes the part that is the most tedious: the wait. I have gotten an offer already, however, I interviewed at a great company today that I would love to be a part of. He said I was a very good interviewee and he would be calling everyone next week with his decision.
I have to wait a whole week before I find out. This is so hard because I have other interviews scheduled and I am not sure what other offers I might get. Luckily, the one I got this morning was very flexible for working hours, so I can take it and keep looking.
However, I don’t know if the job that was offered this morning, which is my “back up” job, is legitimate. According to the woman who interviewed me, I could work at home, manage accounts and make a lot of money per month by managing accounts and creating great customer service. Basically, it sounded too good to be true, which made me skeptical so I am just “trying it out” now. I did a background check of the company and the company is real, so I guess the job is real, but still, how can you tell these days what is real and what isn’t?
I really hope that the interviewer for the job I want calls me back sooner rather than later. Anxiety and me don’t get along very well and with this waiting period it grows. However, I am breathing and trying to relax and think about the other interviews I have next week.
I also got my paperwork for unemployment from the EDD today. I am filing it just in case this other job does not hold through since I have signed no paperwork yet and have no grantee whatsoever. If the job works out, then I will cancel the unemployment ASAP since that is the last place I want to get money from.
I don’t get how people can live off unemployment because I basically have to support two people and it’s not enough for even food each week. I hope I find a job soon and I don’t have to worry about what to eat next and how to fill my car with gas. Sure, I have a little money saved, but it can only last me about three weeks and next week will mark the two-week period in which I have been jobless. When people are surprised about how many job applications I have filled out and how many interviews I have gotten, I reply with I don’t really have a choice.
I need a job and I hope I will find one soon. I also hope, all of you out there who are looking too, can find one as well. Keep positive and determined!
Best,
Anon.
I find that no matter male or female the big question is always the same: What do I wear? You can’t just wear your everyday clothes, but at the same time what is business casual and what is professional? It is different for each company and since we are judged first on our looks, the employer will be looking at us first to see if our style “fits in.” We want to look like “part of the group” but at the same time stand out from other interviewees.
So what did I decide to do? Well I took 15 pictures of 15 different styles I could wear to my interviews tomorrow. I am applying for a job that is highly into health, but I let my weight get away with me since I am getting married now and was working 24/7. So my big question, when I sent out those pictures to my friends, was what the heck do I wear so I look fit? I mean, sure I would not care if I was a stick figure, but I have an hourglass. It is probably the worst figure to have for business because some suits make you look hoochie and other ones that are too big make you look sloppy.
Here is where my major in Drama comes in handy: I know what colors stick out and what don’t. We always talked about, for auditions, what colors were best to get you the part, so I see a lot of similarities between auditions and interviews. For example, red makes a person look healthy and beautiful. It brings out the flush in our cheeks and contrasts nicely against the skin. So I picked a red color and worked that into my suit. I picked a semi causal white t-shirt- that is where my “business-casual” part of my outfit is. I have black pants and closed toed shoes.
The second way to get ready is to research everything on Google. I find their social media channels, their stats and old promotions so I can see what worked and what didn’t. I hope to create a summary of services I can offer by being a part of their company to positively impact their marketing.
Next it is onto the show! We all put on our happy faces like we didn’t get laid off, we are already happily self employed and we march into those interviews. I pretend in an interview like I am selling my talents to a potential client so that I have the backbone to mention my “out of the box” ideas. I agree with most of what they are saying and I figure out a way to see the company in their eyes.
Hopefully all of these tactics will get me a job tomorrow, wish me luck! Also, good luck to all others who are having a hard time. I just had another friend request me to recommend them for Linkedin because they got laid off too.
Wish me luck!
Best,
Anon.
thelaidoffblog 